I had no plans of ever competing in a figure competition. I never thought I would EVER be fit. I would always be small but chubby. After my hubs and I’s vacation to Fort Lauderdale in Dec ’06 I knew something had to change. I saw a picture of my fat body and just couldn’t believe it.
I thought I was eating right and working out right but what did I know? I wasn’t eating that much so how could I be fat? Man did I NOT know what I was doing back then.
Here’s me when I was so happy and on top of the world because I had lost 11 lbs! Why can’t I feel like that now? I’m leaner and 6 lbs lighter than this picture…ugh…i’ll never be satisfied…or will I?
I think competing becomes addictive. You see your body that small, dehydrated and it’s awesome. You actually think you may be able to stay like that even though you KNOW it’s not healthy and impossible. You TRY to only gain a bit of weight back after your show but you even drink water and BAM 5 lbs. Then you decide to eat what you couldn’t for the last 12 weeks. Each show you tell yourself you won’t do that again yet it happens…again and again. For those of us that have had body image issues or disorders in the past i’m not real sure this is a healthy thing. I think it’s another disorder but it seems like a healthier way. Let me tell you my hormones are jacked and I haven’t had a period in over a year. Will I compete again….you bet I will.
I’ll keep writing about how things change “on season” vs. “off season”. I hate those two terms actually. If i’m not competing i’m not out eating burgers and not working out. The eating is different for me right now though but workouts are just as intense! This is a good thing though….stay tuned!